Library Card Woes

Last month, my wallet was stolen.  I went through the typical stages: panicked frenzy, denial, double checking account balances, replacing cards, and cursing the identity of whoever tried to maybe steal mine. But still looming over my head is the fact that my library card is gone.

I know I need to get a new one and go through the process of getting the number registered in all the networks I frequent (this is making me teary eyed),  but I can't get over it. I've had that number memorized ever since the card catalog went electronic. My lame middle school signature complete with the smiley faced dotted i is on that thing.  How could it be missing?

The positive in this situation is that without my library card, I can't keep checking out mountains of books and ignoring the books I own and haven't read yet. But there's a hole in my heart. And it's in the shape of my card.

What my heart literally looks like right now. Okay, not literally.

Poker Face

I'm still working on my quest to become a real live (read: full-time) librarian.  In the meantime, I've been reading everything I can get my hands on, forcing myself to stop reading the books I'm not enjoying, adding more and more to my list of books to read one day when time stands still and I can finally finish the list, and working as a temporary teen librarian! Woot!

Working in a public library has been a vastly different experience than the school libraries that I'm accustomed to.  For starters, teens are far more willing to tell you that they love 50 Shades of Grey in a public library than they are in a school setting.  And for that, I am grateful.  Why? Because it gives me a lot of practice using my non-judgmental poker face.

Scenario: Teen wants a book that's "a little dark, a little romancey...and I read 50 Shades already"

Me on the outside:

Me on the inside:

Scenario: Teen is trying to figure out how many books she should check out for her vacation. She decides on 4 because she's "a fast reader because [she] was able to read the entire 50 Shades series in 3 weeks."

Me on the outside:

 

Me on the inside: 

But real talk. I love when teens check out the books that they want to read, even if I'm not a personal fan of those titles. I also love that they have no shame (and they shouldn't) about what they've read and that they want to share what they've read with me. It's awesome.

Library Books With More Than Stories

My favorite website/list-generator Buzzfeed just posted a list called "15 Curious Things Found in Library Books."

It's pretty great.  It's true that you never know what's going to fall out of a library book (though the cash one still hasn't happened to me...).  But none of the 15 items hold a candle to what happened to me on my third day of working as a school library assistant.

Two 5th-grade students asked for permission to go to the high school library to check out a book of poetry. They came back, Emily Dickinson book in hand, with completely red faces.  They said they saw something they shouldn't have and I noticed a piece of paper sticking out of the book.  I opened up to it and lo and behold, it's an ad for male enhancement complete with visuals! Genitals everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.  My first thought was "THIS WASN'T COVERED IN TRAINING!"

They were fine and just wanted the book, but yeah I wasn't prepared for that one. Have you ever found something completely unexpected in a library book?

Cabin Fever

Nemo hit us and there's about 3 feet of snow on the ground all around my apartment.  Actually, it's about 6 and above feet all around the apartment thanks to the dangerously high snow mounds.  As a result, I got 3 days holed in my room with nothing to do.  You would assume that a librarian with over 100 books on her "to-read" list (and that's just for recently released books), that I would take that opportunity to knock out a few books.  Well unless the penultimate Gossip Girl novel counts (it doesn't), I did not do this. 

Instead, I tried to whittle down my Netflix Queue.  To be fair, I had every intention of watching the titles that the students frequently discuss at the library, but then I watched Serenity, 9 to 5, The Artist, and the entirety of the show Better Off Ted instead.

#Fail.

Series Woes

As a child, I absolutely adored series books.  Nancy Drew, The Baby-sitters Club (and all the spinoffs), Sweet Valley Twins (and all the spinoffs), Encyclopedia Brown, Cam Jansen, etc. etc. etc.  Whenever I'd go to the library, I would just head over to the familiar shelf full of yellow Nancy Drews and grab a couple at random.  Same with the other series.  There was a seemingly infinite amount of books at my disposal.

Then I read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.  Then I FLEW through Chamber of Secrets and Prisoner of Azkaban.  Then, when I went back to the library for the next book.  I couldn't find it.  So, I asked the librarian if I could put a hold on it.  She gave me that "oh honey" look and told me it wasn't even written yet.  This was me:

This had NEVER happened to me before.  Consequently, it's one of the top 3 library moments from my childhood (the other 2 are better memories). 

Last week, I was the librarian in this situation and let me tell you, it was heartbreaking on this end too.  A student who recently began Veronica Roth's Divergent trilogy came in to return Insurgent and pick up the third (unwritten) installment.  When she couldn't find it, she asked if anyone had checked it out or if it was maybe part of the new books display.  Throughout her entire question, I was reliving this in my head:

So I told her, as delicately as possible, that the book isn't finished yet and is due out next year.  Yes, she was devastated (and I can't blame her, it's a great series).  But to keep her spirits up, I gave her recommendations for other series she might enjoy while she waits for the final Divergent installment: Graceling, by Kristin Cashore (the first in The Seven Kingdoms trilogy), Matched, by Allie Condie (the first in the Matched trilogy), and The Alchemyst, by Michael Scott (the first in The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel series). 

She ended up selecting Graceling and loved it.  That trilogy is complete (phew), so it was great when I got to hand her the second book when she finished Graceling. 

Moral of the story: always be prepared to comfort a saddened patron who just wants to know what happens next. 

Friday Five: Children's Lit that Works as Wedding Readings

As you may know, I'm a legal assistant by day, super librarian [assistant] by night afternoon.  I obviously prefer one over the other, but the legal gig has its moments.

Recently, one of the attorneys gave me a fun assignment.  She was doing a reading at a wedding and thought an excerpt from a children's book would be a cute option, as she finds traditional ones boring (AMEN!).  Because of my innate lack of caring for traditional weddings (and weddings in general? maybe), this was the best assignment ever.  Here's what I brought back to her:

1) Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always." 

2) Winnie the Pooh, by A. A. Milne

“Pooh” whispered Piglet.

“Yes, Piglet” replied Pooh.

“Nothing,” answered Piglet,

“I just wanted to be sure of you.”

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”

“It’s so much more friendly with two.”

“Pooh, promise me you won’t forget about me, ever. Not even when I am a hundred.”

Pooh thought for a little.

“How old shall I be then?”

“Ninety-nine.”

Pooh nodded. “I promise,” he said.

“Some people care too much, I think it’s called love.”

3) The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"You're lovely, but you're empty," he went on. "One couldn't die for you. Of course, an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important that all of you together, since she is the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except two or three for butterflies). Since she's the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's MY rose."
And he went back to the fox.
"Good-bye," he said.
"Good-bye," said the fox. "Here is my secret. It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."
"Anything essential is invisible to the eyes," the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
"It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It's the time I spent on my rose…," the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
"People have forgotten this truth," the fox said. "But you mustn't forget it. You become responsible forever for what you have tamed. You're responsible for your rose…"
"I'm responsible for my rose…," the little prince repeated in order to remember.

4) Martha and George, by James Marshall

One day after George had eaten ten bowls of Martha's soup, he said to himself, "I just can't stand another bowl. Not even another spoonful." So, while Martha was out in the kitchen, George carefully poured the rest of his soup into his loafers under the table. "Now she will think I have eaten it." But Martha was watching from the kitchen. "How do you expect to walk home with your loafers full of split pea soup?" she asked George. "Oh dear," said George. "You saw me."

5) I Like You, by Sandol Stoddard Warburg (The whole book is perfect, this is just a small excerpt)

I like you because because because
I forget why I like you but I do
So many reasons
On the 4th of July I like you because it's the 4th of July
On the fifth of July, I like you to
Even if it was the 999th of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
Even if it was no place particular in January
I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again
That's how it would happen every time
I don't know why
I guess I don't know why I really like you
I guess I just like you because I like you. 

The New York Public Library had a great blog post on this topic in 2011.  

Oh teens

Because I focus my library studies on children, tweens and teens, I have to focus on the things they love.  That means constantly being barraged with silly defenses of Justin Bieber's overalls, screeching about what One Direction socks they still need to buy, and their love/hate relationship with TSwift.  Currently, they have moved into full on hate mode. 

I am not shy about my disdain for Swift's songs.  I can't stand them.  But I just defended her to the teens in a heated argument.  

You see, in addition to learning everything that's happening in the pop culture world and what's happening on Glee (which I'm thankful for, because I checked out of that show this year), I also hear their thoughts on social media.  I say this without exaggeration: it is their whole life.  They can't function without it.  In some ways, it's great - they do their assignments, they use all the databases (yay libraries!), they keep in touch with teachers, friends, family.  Great.  In other ways, it is downright scary.  "They can't break up, because then it'll be on Facebook, and she'll look bad."  "She broke up with [him] and now she's writing on [this boy's] wall like such a slut." No! No No No NO NO.  Say it isn't so.  But it is so.  Unfortunately.

But with this idea of what a "relationship" and "sluttiness" must be, they have twisted ideas about Swift's dating life.  Yes, celebrities will always be widely publicized and scrutinized, it's a sad part of life.  And obviously, Swift's alleged dating of a now sacred boybander is unleashing the beasts inside fangirls.  But dating a lot of people does not make her a slut.  

And that's my new goal as a future librarian/current semi-librarian.  I want teens to understand that dating just one person for your entire life (though it works out for a few people) isn't the way the world works.  And while it's perfectly okay to be upset that their favorite boybander is no longer single (my heart was broken when Nick Carter was with Willa Ford), Swift doesn't need to be labeled as a slut.  

You can, of course, make fun of her songs.  I do.

Nostalgia: Computer Games

Yesterday I was struck by a huge urge to play Sim City 3000.  Cursing myself for leaving it at home, tucked into a box stored in the basement, I started to reflect on a time when playing this and other games was one of the highlights of going to school. 

Charging people fair taxes in Sim City, tracking down clues in Where in the World/Time is Carmen San Diego?, and fording the freaking river in Oregon Trail was the best.  BEST.  Why? Because back in my day, the majority of us didn't have computers at home, or if we did, we didn't have time to use them/weren't allowed to play games.  That meant that school was our one shot at playing on computers. 

And where were these sacred computers kept that allowed us to experience such joy?  The library.  Back in the day when we were graded in "Library," we all got A's for being able to effectively remember what time period in which the Vikings lived.  Sure we also looked at books and did research, but only if you lost the race to the computers at the start of class. 

But now kids have iPads and laptops and any other technological device that schools for some reason are insisting they "need" to learn.  Yeah, sure it's impressive when a two year old can play on an iPad, but does she really need to?  You know who else can play on an iPad?  A cat. 

Anyway, I can get on board with how typing and learning Powerpoint (although people STILL can't figure out how to put together a good Powerpoint - black on a dark background DOESN'T WORK PEOPLE!) and intellectual programs are important for kids, but now they have access to all the computer games they want and it's just not that exciting to use a computer in school anymore.  Computers in school are all work work work.  I've encountered numerous kids and teens who don't even know what these games are; the only games they know are Angry Birds and the like.  It's so sad. 

I know, I know, I'm being all nostalgic and I know things need to die out, but the fact that kids are born with the knowledge of how to jailbreak iPods makes me sad that the fun/semi-educational computer games that were a big part of library fun (all library was fun, but this was super fun) are dying out. 

Day 14 – Favorite book you read in school

I wholeheartedly declare that 5th grade was the best in-school reading I've ever encountered.  If I wasn't introduced to Harry Potter by my 6th grade teacher, I would declare Mr. Brewster the best book selecter ever.  My favorite book I read in this class was The Westing Game, by Ellen Raskin.  

This book is wisely on "The List" because it is agreeably the best mystery out there for children.  This is scientific fact because it was unanimously agreed upon in my Children's Literature and Media class.  I won't talk about the details too much because I'll rave about it some day in the future, but I will share how I had daily panic attacks in the 5th grade over this book.

We had to form small groups in class and keep clue journals in order to figure out "whodunnit."  We were told that we weren't allowed to read ahead, so naturally after completing the first reading assignment, I read the entire book over the weekend.  The following Monday, we were told that we would get pop quizzes from time to time that would include questions we shouldn't know the answers to in order to make sure we kept to the reading schedule.  I would  frantically scan the room during these quizzes to make sure that no one was struggling on the questions I was answering.  Such a bad student I am.  I was also paired with the girl I hated the most in the class who only gave me more reason to hate her because she called me stupid when I was in fact suggesting the correct answer during one of our clue journal sessions.  Ugh.

Day 03 – Your favorite series

The Baby-Sitters Club.  BAM, didn't even have to think on this one.  Now when I say the BSC is my favorite series, I'm including all of the series that branch off of this: Baby-Sitters Club Super Specials, Baby-sitters Little Sister, Babysitters Club Mysteries, California Diaries.   I love sooooo many different series, but this is by far my favorite (I don't really think of HP as a series...more of an entity.  Yeah). Really, I love them.  Here's why:

1) The baby block lettering used for the series titles.  There's really no explanation that I can give on why that makes it my favorite series.  Just accept it, I have. 

2) The babysitters (and their little sisters and their California counterparts) all have their own distinct personalities so that readers can identify with at least one.  Kind of like how those "American Girl" dolls worked when they realized that oh yeah, not everyone is white in America.  But every time I read one of the books, I would identify with a different girl: I'm like Claudia because I like to eat chocolate! I'm like Jessie because I dance! I'm like Mary Ann because I like to read! I'm like Kristy because I'm bossy! I could go on.  I never felt like Stacey though because I wasn't fashionable and didn't have diabetes.  Oh well. 

3) The book where they visit Stacey in NY taught me how filet mignon is not pronounced fill-it-mig-none.  All eight year olds need to learn this at some point.

SECRET PASSAGE!!

4) The Dawn focused books inspired me to search my house for secret passages.  I didn't find one, but every now and then I knock on walls to see if they're hollow.  If I do this near you, know that it's a lingering effect of my childhood reading habits and not a behavioral disorder. 

5) It's super easy to just grab one, open up to chapter 5 or so, and jump into the story.  As a result, I reread them so often that I caught all of the typos of Byron and Bryon and never really knew what that kid's name was supposed to be.    

6) I used to have two whole shelves devoted to these books.  I had (have?) slight OCD and needed to own them all in order, so I would try to fill in the gaps of my collection using my hard earned report card money during school book fairs.  My parents used to try to get me to buy books I hadn't read yet because they knew I trucked at least 10 of these bad boys home with me from the library on a weekly basis, but I just loved owning them. 

I have a confession that may cause at least 2 of my friends to experience severe pain in their heart region and for that, I apologize.  I've never seen the movie, but I did read the novelization of the movie.  Does that still count? No?

Dear Mr. Potter...

Early this morning, I brought in the 3 newspapers waiting by my office's front door.  Each front page boasted something about the HP craze coming to an end this week.  The rant about how that's not true is for another time.

One article lead me to Dear Mr. Potter, a collection of fan written letters to J.K., to the characters, to the actors, to anyone who made the experience of reading and/or watching the series a significant one.  Those who know me probably found out within 5 minutes of meeting me that the HP experience is something I hold near and dear to my heart.  Ask my boss, I once sent him quite the e-mail exchange (more like a thesis) defending how the series is amazing.  So I figure this letter business is something I should do.

Dear Mr. Potter (but technically Rowling, because c'mon, she's the strong woman who invented you):

Very, very often I think about how lucky I am to have had one of the best teachers ever when I was in the 6th grade.  Mr. Vendetti believed that being read aloud to was one of the greatest gifts a person could receive and give.  While we 6th graders were anxiously waiting to graduate during the last few days of the school year, stuck on the highest floor of one of the oldest buildings in the city (read: no AC), he read to us the most boring book in the world.  With only 3 days left, he decided to abandon whatever it was he was reading and switch to a new book he stumbled upon: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.  We only made it through the first few chapters, but I was already sold (I think it was the Put-Outer...or what we later learned was called the Deluminator, but I digress). 

Within days, I was at the library and I took the book home with me to finish.  Honestly, I had read everything else on the children's side of the library and that's what was left.  No exaggeration.  As soon as I finished, I dragged my parents right back to the library to get Chamber of Secrets and snagged Prisoner of Azkaban at the same time.  Within 4 days I was ready for the next one and it broke my heart when I found out it didn't exist yet.  I had never encountered this problem before.  There was always an endless supply of Nancy Drew, Encyclopedia Brown, Baby-sitters Club, Anastasia Krupnik, Alice, etc. books for my enjoyment, how could there not be a complete HP series for me? Yes, I was already that selfish and thought in such ways.  Waiting for that book was the longest year of my life. 

Roald Dahl's The Witches

I reread The Witches because I thought it was on The List.  It's not.  I need to start double checking before I do this now because this is the third time in a month this has happened.  Oops.  But it's still an awesome book, and while like every other Dahl book it doesn't paint a nice picture for children, it doesn't set out to scare them either.  It creates a problem and the kid (or in this case, the kid-mouse) solves it. 

Anway, here's where my reading of Dahl's Boy could potentially come in handy for a quick connection between this novel and his early life.  But why use that when a story from my own life, in my obviously unbiased opinion, would be so more entertaining?  Well, at least for me and maybe my Mom.

In 1990, this novel was made into a movie.  At the time, I was 3 years old and had no knowledge of said movie.  When I was about 5, I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a woman looking at me through my window.  She then proceeded to take off her face.  Was I hallucinating?  I sure as hell hope so.  But it was enough to scare the bajeezus out of me. 

Anyway, flashforward a few years to me channel surfing and while passing a standard kids' channel, I happened to catch a glimpse of that same lady who was outside my window that night.  And she was taking her face off.  Despite being a few years older, the sight of that is still fairly unsettling, but I toughed it out and waited to see what this movie was.  Then I did what any sensible nerd would do: I found the book it was based on and read it.  Yay!

Sidenote: I just realized that the main witch in the movie is played by Anjelica Huston, which possibly explains the slight nervousness I experience whenever I watch "The Royal Tenenbaums." 

Attorney Update

I'm being scolded once again by the 87 year old attorney who thinks my going to librarian school is worthless, but also an opportunity for him to publish a series for kids on Native Americans.  As you may or may not recall, this series was to star an Indian chief named Wolfman.  Well it's Wolfman no more.  Now his name is Lone Star Wolf, which is wonderful because we can get Chuck Norris to pose for the cover art as an intoxicated cowboy. 

In addition to being born on the first Thanksgiving before the Pilgrims arrived, Wolfman Lone Star Wolf was "born many moons ago" on "a clear night."  I'm hoping he'll say that there was a full moon so we can add werewolves to this testament to U.S. history.  Now these additions to the Wolfman Lone Star Wolf saga may not seem that amusing, but I should note that they followed his declaration of "no liquor for the Indians!" which he shouted, unprovoked, as he walked by my desk.  Adorable. 

Marian the Librarian

This is the best musical number set in a library (that I know of at least).  I once gained the respect of my team at library themed trivia (yep) for knowing that Harold Hill threatens to drop marbles on the floor of Marian's library. 

For a long time I hated listening to this song because it brought back the painful memories of performing this during my junior year of high school.  And not just your average teenage "why-does-everyone-hate-me/nobody-understands-what-I'm-going-through" angsty type painful memories of high school.  I'm talking literal pain. 


In the dance sequence, a guy holding a pile of books falls off a table and a group of girls catches him.  Because of my obvious brute strength (sarcasm hand), I was in this group of catchers.  The fall worked flawlessly the first few times we rehearsed, but then one wrong turn resulted in him falling diagonally and landing on my head.  After that, my glasses were significantly bent with one ear piece not quite touching my ear anymore (it's hilariously obvious in the few pictures I haven't burned from that time in my life).  They stayed like that for a year because I didn't want to ask my parents to spend money on new ones.  It was not a good time.  Plus, you know, my head hurt.  A lot. 



But it's 7 years later, I have new glasses and my head only hurts when it rains, so now I can embrace this song for the awesomeness that it is, even if it does perpetuate the idea of the shhhshing librarian who only stamps books.  Now it just makes me want to dance in a library.  Who's with me? 

I want to go to there.

Adults Judging Childrens Books - the T Edition

With my life consumed by grad school and work, the T is where I accomplish the majority of my reading.  Now, because of the glorious rainy weather we're experiencing right now, I was hit with a few umbrellas this afternoon.  As I looked up to passive aggressively glare at my attackers, I happened to notice the stares of fellow T riders I've grown accustomed to ignoring.  You know, the stares that are the equivalent of "why the hell is she reading that in public?" or "wow, she must be dumb." 

I'll backtrack.  I'm currently reading The Golden Compass because 1) I've owned a  practically untouched copy since the 7th grade; and 2) it's on The List.  It's an insanely long book as far as children's books are concerned so, on a superficial basis, those stares are not merited.  Also, like many other books for children, it is an incredibly complex novel that should be read by any age group so again, those stares shouldn't happen.  But apparently people aren't accustomed to adults reading a book where the cover art pictures a young girl sitting on top of an armored bear.  

I've seen people read some pretty messed up things on the T, but I've never stared them down like they were beneath me.  I thought you weren't supposed to judge books by their covers?

If that's no longer the case, then I'm going to fully judge these people and books I see all the time on the T:

1) The Classic Reader

Yes, I see you over there with your pristine copy of Lolita, Anna Karenina, Jane Eyre, etc.  I also see that despite your smug look of being better than all those around you, you haven't turned a page in 15 minutes.  You probably won't even know what's going on in the book until you consult Spark/Cliffsnotes for a quick recap of all that you "read."   I'm guessing you had a 40% coupon to use at B&N and decided to splurge on one of their $5 classic copies to impress someone.  Good luck.

2) Twilight Reader

Now despite my insane hatred of this series, I've never really judged someone for reading it because hey, at least they're reading.  This one time is an exception.  I was sitting next to a very muscular, macho man on the T one morning and he pulls out a copy of a Stephen King novel.  Or so I thought.  I glanced over and happened to see "Bella," "Volturi," and "Edward" and started laughing my butt off on the inside.  He was reading Twilight, but had switched the book jacket to fool those around him into thinking he was reading something more reflective of his physical appearance.  Oh I judge him so much.  Be proud of what you read!  Even if it's crap! 

3) The E-reader

This is probably what the Twilight man should have invested in instead of a Stephen King book jacket.  These readers are elusive.  While privacy usually isn't the only reason (if one at all) for possessing an e-reader, the fact remains that if you're going to hide what you're reading from the rest of us, you have no right to judge what we're reading.  It irks me when you judge my battered copy of Harry Potter.  However, as I am not yet blind, I can read the insanely large font of your e-reader from my seat.  So despite your great attempt, I still see that you're reading a romance novel, Mr. I Have a Briefcase and Therefore Deserve Two Seats, and I'm going to judge you right back. 

4) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Reader

You think I have the mental capacity of a 5 year old because I'm reading Matilda on the T? Well by that logic, you have the mind of a sadistic serial rapist.  Please don't sit near me and keep your hands visible at all times.  Granted, Matilda rocks, so I would like to be compared to her.  Poor choice of example, but you get my point.

5) iPhone/iPad/Anything with an Internet Connection User

Those who use these to read newspapers or something of merit are fine.  But those who look down at me while looking at the latest Perez Hilton updates are uncalled for.  How are celebrity pictures with unfortunate white MS Paint squiggles more sophisticated than my children's novel?  At least I'm reading something with substance.  

6) Anything with Sarah Palin on the Cover Reader

No explanation necessary. (Sorry Mom!!)

7) The Movie Book Reader

There's a movie coming out soon.  Because there are zero original ideas in Hollywood, naturally the movie is based on a book.  You've never read this book, but you want to impress someone with your knowledge of the story either before or after you see it, so you try to rapidly read before the release date.  The movie poster book cover completely gives you away.  If Robert Pattinson wasn't starring in Water for Elephants you would have never given that book a second glance.  If Julia Roberts' 10 foot smile wasn't a part of Eat, Pray, Love you wouldn't even know that book existed.  Sometimes I take comfort in knowing that when you later quote a fact from the book to compare it to the movie, you'll probably get it wrong. 

To sum up, stop judging kids' books!!! Or at least keep it to yourself and don't make it so obvious that you're looking down at me for reading one on the T.  The end.

So You're Gonna Be a Librarian?

I've already mentioned the usual responses I get to my wanting to be a librarian.  But every now and then I get strange, strange reactions.

I work at a law firm right now, which is on the other side of the spectrum in terms of my life goals.  But I like it and it pays the bills, so it works.  In my office, there's an 87 year old attorney who comes in periodically to play solitaire and reminisce about the time he sat at a table with Frank Sinatra and Marilyn Monroe (true story!).  He has provided 2 of these strange reactions:

The first was his desire to publish a picture book detailing the life of an Indian Chief he has named Wolfman.  Now, he has the story all planned out.  He tells me that Wolfman was born before the Pilgrims arrived and that his birthday was on the first Thanksgiving.  Yes, you read that correctly.  He has named the chief Wolfman.  He's got big plans for this book; he's thinking he should turn it into a series so "the kids can use it for all their reports and fun time reading."  Apparently, my being a librarian-in-training means that I can get this book published for him and he constantly yells at me for having not found him an illustrator yet.  Yes, this man still practices law. 

The other reaction he's given me just makes me laugh...even more so than Wolfman.  "There's no such thing as a children's librarian!"  Oh boy.  So, after showing him how to turn on his computer, something I do on a weekly basis, I pulled up a bunch of websites and showed him children's libraries, libraries with children's rooms, school libraries (also a myth), etc. etc.  He still doesn't believe me. 

Oh well.  The man is utterly adorable and while racist in the way that only old people can be, he's still got a good heart.  I'm going to go look for an illustrator now so he doesn't yell at me tomorrow when I show him how to turn the light on in his office. 

Security Guards Judge Me

I'm used to setting off alarms on occasion (set one off at Shaws last week...how is that even possible?), but in the past two months I have successfully set off the alarm at the library during every single visit.  It's reached the point where I'm probably as recognizable to the security guard as the "Nazi Woman" who marches around the premises.  Our encounters have become entirely predictable: "Oh, it's you," followed by a quick raise of the eyebrows when looking at what I've recently checked out of the children's section.  Sigh.  

This past visit my New Kids on the Block DVD evoked a derisive shake of the head, but the copy of Daddy's Roommate got a sassy exclamation of "What the heeeelll?"  Seriously.

I could just tell her that I'm a Children's Services Librarian student, but these heartwarming encounters I'm having on a fairly regular basis really just tickle me.  Sometimes I feel like I should remind her that librarian professionals aren't supposed to be judgmental about what patrons check out, but at the same time I really can't wait to hear what she says next.  Her reactions are a lot more fun than the guy who once laughed at me  for checking out Paula Abdul's Greatest Hits CD.