30 Rock ended last night and I am feeling ALL THE EMOTIONS. So, to satisfy my need for the show to forever remain in existence, here are five awesome, but sadly fake, books used in one of the best television comedies ever:
1. Dealbreakers: A Girl's Guide to Shutting it Down
Liz Lemon's self-help book that she unknowingly based on the ridiculous men in her workplace. It includes gems like: "If your man asks you to pay for chicken wings, that's a dealbreaker, ladies!" and "He thinks he deserves a vajayjay upgrade. He doesn't; he's not Tom Brady. Shut it down." It eventually leads to her getting her own talk show, which in turn leads to her developing crazy actor tendencies which leads to this treasure:
2. Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business
Jack's book first makes it's appearance in Season 1, when Liz's boyfriend, Floyd references it before meeting the legendary businessman. It then makes an appearance when a 14 year old uses it to take down Jack in her pursuit of becoming CEO of Kabletown. With a K. Pearls of wisdom: Never let someone arrive first (Chapter 2 of the book), "I want to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth" (Chapter 12), and I'm sure there's some reference in there about your hair being your head suit.
3. You're Doing It Wrong!
Dr. Spaceman gives this to Liz when she mentions having a boyfriend. "It's about having a satisfying love life. For life!" Also, his techniques guarantee male orgasm. You could pair with it his compilation album: Love Storm.
4. Geiss Cubes
This would also be a great book
"It means the book is full of cubes of knowledge. It's a good title." - Jack on CEO Don Geiss' book, where he provides "timeless" wisdom like: "Because a woman's brain has fewer folds." It's good stuff. 5. Tracy's Autobiography
Tracy realizes that the deadline to write his autobiography is the following day. The TGS writers quickly attempt to write out the story of Tracy's life, looking to Wikipedia when the man himself is of no help. They come close to pulling off the massive project, but then Tracy remembers the publisher passed on his book and the whole day was a waste. Okay, so this never actually exists as a book, but work is done to complete it.
I love Google. I love mostly everything about it (let's all agree to forget Google+ is a thing). But sometimes it can be wrong. Take Google Translate, an awesome tool that proves useful when you have a word or short phrase that you need translated. But for longer sentences, or song lyrics, it's not your best bet.
The CDZA, a group that "create[s] musical video experiments," has put together an awesome video demonstrating that Google Translate isn't always perfect.
The moral of this story: This song is still the best theme song ever and kids, do your homework without Google Translate.
Along with book stamping, hair buns 101, glasses selection, and shushing, library school will teach you that librarians or librarians-to-be are obsessed with TV. We talk about it a lot. It consumes our class breaks, moments before and after class, and sometimes discussion board posts that get offtrack. From the past two years, this is what I've gathered:
1. Downton Abbey
Actually, librarians are obsessed with BBC in general. You'll see. I finally caved and checked out what I've heard described as "Fancy Entourage." And now I'm addicted. The show is a period piece that takes place after the sinking of the Titanic, in a world where the class system is changing. It's fascinating PLUS Professor McGonagall is in it. I suppose I should call her Maggie Smith, but I just can't. Not yet.
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Librarians will not shut up about this show. If you walk into any library class and say "Buffy," you will be met with cheers, emphatic "OH MY GOD BEST SHOW EVERRRRRs," praise of Joss Whedon's genius, and jeers toward any vampire series that pales in comparison (cough, Twilight). Sometimes, if you're lucky, it'll be a classroom that will start singing the songs from the musical episode. I haven't watched the series yet (I know, I know), but it's on my Netflix instant queue so I can watch it this summer and they'll let me graduate.
3. Dr. Who
Another BBC show that librarians cannot get enough of. Again, I've never seen it, so I'm unfit to be a librarian. I tend to zone out when people talk about it, but I do know that the lead actor changes all the time and there's time travel involved. Cool?
4. Once Upon a Time
This one is fairly understandable. Take a bunch of fairy tales and change them around to create a TV show. They're classic stories that children and YA librarians hear/talk about all the time, so they're naturally going to welcome a different interpretation. Plus, it's from some of the creators of LOST.
5. Sherlock
Surprise! Another BBC drama. I swear, librarians think they're British. Maybe librarians in England watch Jersey Shore. I hope they don't. Anyway, it's a contemporary take on Sherlock Holmes and librarians always go gaga for anything Sherlock.
I tried to pick just one, but realized that the William McKinley High School Library is where it's happening for some pretty great times. Or maybe that's just how I feel.
1. "U Can't Touch This"
The New Directions members want to be cool. Being cool means breaking rules. What better way to break the rules than by causing a ruckus in the library? So some of the teens put on their best parachute pants (because why wouldn't teens from the 2000s own parachute pants) and kick it old school with a boombox on top of library tables. Only problem is, the librarian is clearly an MC Hammer fanatic (or I imagine her to be), falls in love with their song and dance number, and wants them to perform for her church. Whoops.
2. "Borderline/Open Your Heart"
Glee mashups are one of the few things the show can still do right. In this one, Finn and Rachel are not only completing their "Madonna assignment," but also fulfilling their role as season one's "will they or won't they" couple. This is fitting because Rachel was named after Rachel from Friends, and if there's anything Rachel from Friends could accomplish (aside from the best hair), it was the Ross and Rachel will they or won't they see-saw. They sing to each other in the library, staring at each other through bookshelves. It's really quite adorable.
3. Rachel Researches Her Biological Parents
Glee isn't the most well-structured show. Episodes are built around themes or songs, without much care for past occurrences. In "Dream On," Rachel's biggest dream is suddenly to find out who her real parents are. Never mind that in the first episode, we're told that one of her two dads is her biological father. No, Glee doesn't care much for the continuity. Anyway, due to her sudden desire, Rachel hits up the library to do some research and decides the only possibility is that Patti Lupone and Mandy Patinkin had a secret love child. A lot of people dream that their real parents are kings and queens, so why wouldn't she believe her parents are Broadway royalty?
4. "Smile"
This is one of the sadder scenes of Glee. Set to one of the greatest songs ever, "Smile" (the Charlie Chaplin one, not the Lily Allen one), the Glee Club finally poses for their yearbook picture. Then we see clips of the football team in the library immediately drawing on their picture, because everyone knows that the losers' pictures are always defaced and the biggest losers are in Glee Club. Sigh. Ruined faces and defaced books. So sad.
Are there any other Glee library scenes that you like?
Yesterday was my sister's 17th birthday. It was also the day that we discovered that Blue's Clues is available to watch instantly on Netflix. This is what our reaction faces looked like:
And then we watched three episodes. Not to brag, but during every episode I figured out what Blue was trying to say after the first clue. So, yeah.
Maybe we're lame, but I at least have the defense that I'm interested in children's media and using said media as an educational tool: "Hey kid, you think you're having fun, but really you're learning. Sucker!"
Blue's Clues is a fairly awesome television show. Its basic detective plot helps build problem-solving skills. The repetition the show is built around strengthens minds. Nick Jr. used to air the same episode 5 times a week so the youngins watching would improve their memory, attention span and comprehension. The show also features about four songs that are the same in every episode so children become familiar with the show's format and stay on track.
The theme of every episode is also repeated throughout to maintain audience focus, not unlike a theme episode of Glee. The interactive format is one of the lauded aspects of the show, as it keeps children attentive and involved in the action. And really, who doesn't like yelling at the screen? It's The Price is Right for kids.
There was research done that actually proved that this show improved creative thinking and problem-solving. There's no proof that it helped build vocabulary with its repetitive word-of-the-episode scripting, but the positives for this show are astounding. Far better than that trollop Dora (Kidding, I also love Dora).
I think it's clear by now that I'm a fan of libraries. Libraries, bookshelves, and books. Even cupboards. Sidenote, I really want a picture of me inside a cupboard so my blog title will be literal. It's also fairly obvious how much I love TV shows and all of the glory they bring. So, TV shows with scenes set in libraries are golden. Like Betty White, but better.
1) Friends, "The One With Ross' Library Book"
Friends is an all-time favorite. Ross has his dissertation published and after searching through his school's library catalog for funny names (Wendy Bagina), he realizes that the library owns a copy of his book. He brings Chandler along to admire this accomplishment, only to find out that it's kept in a dusty section where students rendezvous to get busy. In order to protect the integrity of the library, but more so his book, Ross decides to patrol the stacks to make sure the students are keeping it in their pants. In doing so, however, he meets the one person who has checked out his book. She's impressed that he's so young (he did skip 4th grade) and then the scene cuts to them getting busted by actual library security.
2) Boy Meets World, "And Then There Was Shawn"
Hands down the best episode of BMW, "And Then There Was Shawn", is a spoof of slasher films, especially cult ones and all the 90s teen slasher films that were popular: I Know What You Did Last Summer, Scream, and I can't think of any more because I don't actually like them. The students annoy life mentor/teacher/super man Mr. Feeney, and land themselves in detention with a random guy named Kenny, so when he's the first to die they can make the obligatory "he killed Kenny" joke. Anyway, people keep getting killed because they're locked inside the school with a killer, they decide to explore, and that leads them to the library. In the library there's a great death scene for Eric Matthews and guest star Jennifer Love Hewitt (the two were dating at the time - fun fact), as they get crushed to death by knocked over books. Awesome.
3) All That, Various
Alright, All That was a wonderful sketch comedy show that aired during the golden age of Nickelodeon (the 90s) and Lori Beth Denberg's greatest recurring role, in my opinion, was the Loud Librarian. 1) The character is an alliteration, 2) she's a complete stereotype of librarians except for the fact that 3) she's LOUD. Library school students are constantly subjected to "QUIET!!!! THIS IS A LIBRARY!!!" but it's okay, we love it. Watch this, you're welcome:
Later: Chuck, Felicity, Buffy, Parks and Recreation, Golden Girls, SNL, etc etc etc. Suggestions anyone?
Ahhh How I Met Your Mother. How I love thee so. I mentioned once before that I love this show because it's full of lists, all of which are amazing. It's also the show that enabled Britney Spears to make what some people consider a comeback and, as an added bonus, Bob Saget is the narrator. #winning
But back to the list thing. I love lists. Lists and books. So here's a list of fake books from a show full of lists. Also, each one of these books is made up of or contains lists. So they're lists within a list. Guys, How I Met Your Mother is Inception (BRAMMMMM):
1) The Power of Me, by James Devito
Ohhh Brit Brit :-)
In "Ten Sessions," Ted is determined to win over Stella, his dermatologist, by the time she's finished removing the butterfly tattooed on his lower back. Yup. I would have gone for the receptionist. One, because we're good people; and two, because she's Britney freakin' Spears. But, whatever. Seeing it in her office, he thinks Stella is reading a self-help book called The Power of Me and decides to bring a copy with him to impress her at his next session. Turns out, it was actually Marshall's copy, Stella hates those types of books, and Britney Spears decides to read it because she's fallen for Ted and similarly thinks it will impress him or she just really needs it (she does). There's no actual excerpt from the book, but it's a self-help book, which by definition means it's a huge list of things to do to feel better about yourself and most likely annoy the people around you.
2) TheBro Code
It's mentioned on occasion throughout the series and even became an actual book to give to your friends as a funny present or keep on your own coffee table to show people that you are in fact a "bro" and, as such, adhere to the appropriate code. Sadly, I'm not a bro and unable to follow said code, so I was left with the choice of purchasing it as a Christmas gift for my brother. You're welcome, by the way.
Anyway, first mentioned in "The Goat", The Bro Code is a document written in the 18th century by Barnabus Stinson, as George Washington and Benjamin Franklin were too busy. The document contains 150 articles outlining the expected behavior of "Bros" such as the obvious "Bros before hos" and the less obvious "the mom of a Bro is always off-limits, but the step-mom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing." Barney breaks the "no sex with your Bro's ex" Article, which leads to him enlisting Marshall's legal wisdom to find a loophole in the Code and consequently introducing the book to the series.
3) Robin 101 Notebook
While not technically a "book book," it's in a book form, contains words and Ted teaches from it, so it counts. Robin is upset that Barney doesn't know how to stop being Barney the gross womanizer and start being Barney the official boyfriend. Overhearing her complaints, Ted, as a self-appointed expert on being in a relationship with Robin, decides to give Barney classes to help him figure out how to be her boyfriend. Robin finds the Robin 101 notebook and is appropriately disgusted. The book contains wonderful lists about Robin including how to distract her (the Vancouver Canucks 2004 Division Title, proper gun cleaning and maintenance, and emperor penguins) and things never to do around her (mention hockey's surprising lack of popularity in the U.S., cry, surprise her, or show her a YouTube featuring an animal playing a musical instrument).
4) Goodbye, Sparky
Ted psychs himself up for a nostalgic road trip with Marshall that will be fueled by the energy drink Tantrum ("TANTRUM!") and musically accompanied by the Proclaimers' "500 Miles." Thanks to marriage, Marshall has become a "we" rather than an "I," and Ted desperately needs some alone Bro time with his best friend. But sadly, the wife tags along and instead of listening to the obnoxiously pleasant one hit wonder, they listen to the Kenny Rogers narrated audio book Goodbye Sparky, which, according to Lily, apparently made Elizabeth Hasselbeck cry (to which I say, GOOD). It's appropriately about a man who loses his best friend, except here it's his dog, Sparky. It has my favorite list of all time: "because Sparky loved chasing a ball, and it didn’t much matter what kind. Tennis ball, baseball, Wiffle ball, golf ball, basketball, beach ball, gum ball, a grapefruit-which isn’t actually a ball, but is round like a ball, a football-which isn’t round, but it’s still technically a ball, Indian rubber ball…This ends disk seven. The audio book continues on disk eight. (Ted removes the disk and puts back the other one) Disk eight. Lacrosse ball, volleyball..."
5) The Playbook
Another one of Barney's creations, this one from the episode of the same title. Essentially, it's a compilation of his crazy schemes to get women. More specifically, a list of crazy ways to get women into bed. Following his breakup with Robin (who he will so clearly marry, I'm calling it now), Barney breaks out The Playbook to pretty much make up for lost time. Hilarity ensues in list form as he describes various scenarios:
And because I've watched more HIMYM clips while writing this than I have while actually procrastinating, here's my all-time, semi-HIMYM related favorite:
I don't really like when books are put into television episodes or movies just for the sake of being there, because that makes no sense. Like when a character randomly states that they like a book. Who cares? When a book is actually incorporated into the plot is when it counts. It happens a lot in some of my favorite shows. Coincidence? I think not. So here's a list of my favorite inclusions of real books in episodes of probably my favorite TV show of all time: "F.R.I.E.N.D.S."
F.R.I.E.N.D.S: Real Books
1+2. Little Women and The Shining
This is my personal favorite. Joey and Rachel make a deal to trade their favorite books: The Shining and Little Women respectively. Before she begins The Shining, Joey cautions Rachel that it's a scary book she might not be able to handle. His secret to overcoming the fear: putting the book in the freezer. It turns out that Joey can't handle the terrors of Little Women either. He finds Beth's imminent death too tough to take, landing Rachel's copy of the Louisa May Alcott classic in the freezer. Sidenote, when attempting to describe The Shining without using spoilers, Joey quotes: "All blank and no blank makes blank a blank blank." That "quote" doesn't actually appear in the book. It's only in the movie version...
3 + 4. Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre
"Feminism, yes, but also the robots!"
Phoebe, having never gone to high school, feels like she missed out on one of the major life experiences. She also had a blast with her Lamaze class and wants to try something "with a less painful final exam." Understandable, seeing as she pushed out three kids, they weren't even hers, and her doctor was obsessed with The Fonz. So she signs up for a literature class with Rachel. Phoebe gets really into the first book they read, Wuthering Heights, figuring out that the moors are a symbol that reflect the wildness of Heathcliff's character. Rachel didn't read the book and steals Phoebe's ideas in class, leaving Phoebe to look like a fool. When Rachel reads a new Vogue issue instead of Jane Eyre, Phoebe gets her revenge by telling Rachel that Jane Eyre is a cyborg and that the book was "lightyears ahead of its time." I wish they included the scene where Rachel apparently likens Jane Eyre to Robocop.
5. The "V" Encyclopedia Volume
Most sitcoms have to have their one stock dumb, but loveable character. Joey fills that role on Friends, though he wasn't that daft in the earlier seasons. Regardless, he's sick of feeling left out of the loop when his friends discuss world events and he wants to join in on the conversation. So when Penn of Penn and Teller drops by to sell encyclopedias, Joey is fascinated with the V volume and is luckily wearing Chandler's pants, in which he finds $50. He buys the volume and prepares to wow his friends with his new knowledge of volcanoes, vivisection, vas deferens, and the Vietnam War, but is left out once again when the conversation steers toward the Korean war.
6. A Tale of Two Cities
Ahh Joey being clueless again. Joey gets a callback for a musical rendition of A Tale of Two Cities, not realizing that it's a Dickens classic. In choosing his two cities, he decides he's going to sing "New York, New York" and "I Left My Heart in San Francisco." Ross has to tell him that he doesn't get to choose. And then we for some reason get treated to a song from the musical "Oliver!" and this amazing dance:
7. Chicken Soup for the Soul
Chandler can't cry. Nothing can bring him to tears, not "E.T.", "Bambi", a three legged puppy, a three legged puppy who can talk, or pictures from his childhood. Even the thought of his wife dying and leaving him a note from beyond the grave that tells him how much she loves him doesn't make him teary. In an effort to prove that he's not a robot or dead inside, he tries to secretly read Chicken Soup for the Soul to induce the tears. But the sappy series doesn't do him any good; it's only when Ross and Rachel have one of their "Ross and Rachel" moments that finally bring on the waterworks.
8. I Love You Forever
Ugh. This book. Joey didn't get a present for Emma's first birthday and needs something fast. Phoebe wrote her a song (barely), so Joey decides to put his "talent" to good use (not hitting on her, as Phoebe first suspects) and do a dramatic reading of Emma's favorite book. His success, if bringing everyone to tears can be counted as a success, makes Phoebe's song look more horrific than it actually is and eventually causes her to follow in his steps and do her own dramatic reading. Only problem is, she reaches for Sex and the Single Mother.
If it hasn't been made clear yet, I love books. I also love TV. So when books are mentioned on TV, it makes my heart skip a beat. I'm not sure why, but every time I see a book on TV it gives me hope that our lazy generation will be affected by its presence and be inspired to read. I can dream, can't I?
As great as it is when writers use actual books to add to an episode, I really love when they make up fake books to build a plot around. It's just so much more creative and usually results in some pretty decent episodes of television fun. I was trying to come up with a bunch of fake books from various TV shows I'm obsessed with and I realized how many were from How I Met Your Mother, Friends, or 30 Rock. And so, here are the Friends ones:
Fake Books on Friends 1. Euphoria Unbound
In "The One with Mrs. Bing" we learn that Chandler's mother is a romance novelist. Her advice on writing a book: "You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book." The release of her newest romance novel inspires Rachel to try her hand at writing one, but her inability to type keeps her from her new dream. According to Ross, you don't want to be around when the leading male starts writing with his "huge, throbbing pens." And please note, he's not reaching for the heroine's "heaving beasts."
2. Be Your Own Windkeeper
In "The One Where Eddie Won't Go" Phoebe lends out this book to Monica and Rachel so they can embrace their inner "I am Woman, Hear Me Roar" and stand up to the men ("Lightning Bearers") who try to suppress them. It completely makes fun of those self-help and empowerment fad books that exploded in the 90s, especially the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. The girls go through stages of initial doubt, self-empowerment, sisterhood, and eventual breakdown when their love for the book becomes a competition to be the best windkeeper of the bunch. The ridiculousness leads to this great line: "How do you expect me to grow, if you won't let me blow?"
3. Rachel's Dirty Book
"Her father, the vicar...the vicar?"
Despite her inability to write her own, Rachel clearly is a fan of romance novels. So it shouldn't be too much of a surprise when we find out that she keeps one close to her bed in "The One With Rachel's Book." However, when Joey decides to take a nap in Rachel's more comfortable bed, he's quite shocked when he finds a copy of her "dirty book" about vicars, chimney sweeps, and "burning loins." She defends her book, claiming that it's a healthy expression of her sexuality. As a bonus, we learn that vicar means goalie. At least, according to Joey it does.
4. Phoebe's book
In "The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad," Phoebe lets the group in on the fact that she's written 14 books. No one had ever read them and since her apartment caught fire, no one will. However, she's planning on writing book number 15. Phoebe's book ends up being a not quite fictional account of Marcia and Chester, thinly veiled representations of Monica and Chandler. She uses their petty arguments as the source of conflict, thoroughly annoying the actual couple, so much so that Monica decides to write a book about Phyllis. Phoebe eventually attempts to use her documentation of the lovers' spats in order to settle an argument, but her book offers zero help.
5. Ross' doctoral dissertation
"The One With Ross' Library Book" is, at some point, most certainly going to end up on my list of best scenes in libraries. Basically, Ross finds out that the NYU School Library has a copy of his dissertation in the paleontology section. He's excited to see it on a library shelf (as he should be) and brings Chandler to share the joyous occasion. However, the paleontology section is the least-visited section of the library, at least for students actually looking for books. Instead, students seek out this area for some romantic trysts. Outraged, Ross decides to patrol the area to keep students from having sex in the stacks, but succumbs to the students' favored activity when he meets the one girl who has checked out his book.
I can't believe I forgot this next one, thanks Steph!!
6. Science Boy
Another of Ross' books cherished by only one other person. In "The One With the Mugging" Phoebe realizes that years ago, when she was living on the streets, she mugged Ross and stole his comic book creation, Science Boy. When he doesn't warm up to her enthusiasm of now having a great "how we met" tale, she points out that she kept Science Boy after all those years because it meant something to her. Granted, it was stored in a box labeled "Crap from the Streets," but still, she learned a lot from the test tube wielding comic hero.
