Dec 20, 2011

Review: The Snow Angel

Over the weekend, I did the unthinkable: read a children's book written by Glenn Beck (in case you don't know me, the fact that a children's book was written by Glenn Beck is what's unthinkable).  It was difficult to get through and off the top of my head, I can't even remember what it was actually about.  I do remember a few things:

1)  The scene is set on the first page of this terrible picture book: two downtrodden children are in the kitchen, eating what looks like the most depressing Kraft macaroni and cheese ever (because it's not the Blues Clues kind, which everyone knows is the best kind and is sadly discontinued).  The measly three lines of text lets us know that Dad doesn't make good macaroni and cheese like Mom.  But now that Mom has a job, Dad's been forced to cook for the kids more often than not. 

Translation: A woman's place is in the kitchen. Grab your torches and pitchforks, the economic crisis is yanking women from their natural environment.  Manly men should not be forced to pick up utensils and prepare food for their offspring.  They should be spending their time killing the food they bring home for their wives to cook. 
Hidden meaning: Obama is not only destroying the economy, but he's ruining the nation's nutrition by forcing men to cook for their children, and upsetting the traditional American family structure.

2)  He couldn't go three pages without mentioning the Middle East.  On the off-chance a woman  neglecting her duties isn't enough to prove the world's demise, he lets the news announcer demonstrate just how serious the setting is in this story.  I'm a little surprised at his restraint from writing about how this family doesn't even have a flat screen television for Dad to watch while he ignores his children's pleas for a better dinner.   

3)  Dad may cook the dinner, but he puts his dishes in the sink, presumably for the wife to wash after busting her metaphorical balls to support her family.  

4)  I just reread the book (UGH) to remember what the story was about: an unappreciated Grandmother telling her bratty grandkids about how her soldier dad once taught her that snow angels store love.  This lesson is somehow supposed to console them about having to eat the same thing each night and never see their parents.  I think that the lesson is mostly supposed to mask the fact that Mr. Beck didn't realize until it was too late that the Grandmother was a viable candidate to cook dinner instead of the Dad.  She apparently takes care of them every night.  It only makes sense. 

5)  So the kids have some sense smacked into them, and they make some paper snow angels for their parents to show them how much they love them.  They also give them breakfast in bed: uncooked macaroni and cheese, which I'll admit did actually make me giggle..but only for a second. 

Is this book good? No.  Should you read it? No.  Not even to give it a chance? No.  Should you buy it for someone else?  Only if you hate them or you're giving it as a joke gift, like the wonderful gentleman who gave it to me.  Thanks, Richard!!

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