I do not like the Taylor Swift

Usually my gym has it down with the playlists.  Hall & Oates, NKOTBSB, Huey Lewis and the News...basically all the 80s and 90s nostalgia I need to pretend that I'm a runner.  But yesterday, it was nothing but fail, unless the gym was hosting some weird tween scene for all the middle-aged people on their lunch breaks.  If that's the case, it passed with flying colors: Biebz, Selena Gomez, and the worst of 'em all, the T-Swizzle. 

So this might seem out of place here in a blog about being a librarian-in-training.  But being a librarian isn't all about pushing books on the children.  It's also about embracing other forms of media as sources of education and entertainment.  As such, it allows me to vent about one of the most popular musical acts among kids, tweens, teens, people who think they're country music fans, and college boys.  Here goes:

Alright, she's cute.  They're all cute.  And she didn't start on Disney, so she's most likely got a few more years up the sleeves of her sparkly dresses before she reaches the pivotal point where teen stars need to pick their path as if they were in that Robert Frost poem: will she go down the well-worn path of drugs and shaved heads (yes, I love the Brit Brit, but I'm not blind to that horrible year), or will she take the "one less traveled by" and go for a respectable career?  Probably the latter, although I would much rather she fade away into obscurity.  I get that her stuff is all about cutesy puppy love, but it's sooooooo bad. Please, someone make this girl write something that doesn't sound like she put a bunch of cliches and phrases into a hat and pulled them out one at a time to make a song. Just...please.  I know my taste in music is questionable, but let's just examine one of her "hits," the one that plagued me at the gym yesterday:

This is the Swift version of a  fairy tale

"Today was a Fairytale" - [too bad she doesn't mean one by the Brothers Grimm]

Today was a fairytale

You were the prince

I used to be a damsel in distress

You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six

Today was a fairytale

[Oh good, way to stuff people into forced gender roles.  Also, if this were actually a fairy tale, you would still be a damsel in distress.  Or did you stop becoming a damsel in distress sometime before he picked you up at 6? If that's the case, then by traditional fairy tale lore, you're cheating on the person who saved you, because once you're saved you can't ever leave that person, meaning he shouldn't have to pick you up.  So how sweet of you.  Also, in what fairytale is someone picked up at 6? Midnight, dawn, dusk, etc. tend to be the go-to times, not 6.  Actually, people tend not to get picked up at all.  Maybe lifted in the air as a troll is about to pummel them, but never picked up.  You must mean saved.  He saved you at...6.]

Today was a fairytale

[Yes, you've told us.]

Today was a fairytale

I wore a dress

You wore a dark grey t-shirt

You told me I was pretty

When I looked like a mess

Today was a fairytale

[A dress?  You wore a dress.  Okay, that's...fitting, I guess. But who wears a dark grey t-shirt in a fairy tale? I can't say I recall reading about "Prince Charming" in a dark grey t-shirt.  He told you you looked pretty when you looked like a mess.  Okay, let's dissect this.  You condone lying and you're on a date with a liar.  Also, why do you look like a mess? You just told us you were wearing a dress.  Did you not pick a clean one out of the closet? Even Ariel knew how to make herself look spiffy without a dress.  If you want today to be a fairy tale, think about stepping up your game.]

Time slows down

Whenever you're around

[No. No, it does not.  That's what happens when you're miserable.  Time goes too fast when you're happy.  Get it right.]

Can you feel this magic in the air?

It must have been the way you kissed me

Fell in love when I saw you standing there

It must have been the way

Today was a fairytale

It must have been the way

Today was a fairytale

[Love doesn't happen until you either dance with him or he kisses you to wake you up from a long sleep, thereby obligating you to be in love with him.  Silly girl.]

Today was a fairytale

You've got a smile that takes me to another planet

Every move you make everything you say is right

Today was a fairytale

[That third line makes you seem like Little Red Riding Hood believing your "Grandmother" when she tells you that her eyes are so big because that makes it all the better to see you with.  Or like Michelle Bachman when she believed the lady behind her who said her daughter suffered from mental retardation from the HPV shot.  Now, I realize that this isn't a fairy tale, but as fairy tales were designed to teach moral lessons, I plan on making it one so that future children can learn how to not talk to strangers about health care.  So I guess you're playing up to that gullible female fairy tale role.  Brava!]

Today was a fairytale

All that I can say

Is now it's getting so much clearer

Nothing made sense until the time I saw your face

Today was a fairytale

[So this is one of those fairy tales where you've been sleeping for 100 years, and now that you've been allowed to open your eyes, things have become clear.  Got it.]

I can feel my heart

It's beating in my chest

Did you feel it?

I can't put this down

[WHERE ELSE IS YOUR HEART SUPPOSED TO BEAT?????]

Swift, T. (2010). Today was a fairytale. On Valentine's Day. Big Machine.

This is a 1909 illustration from a
real Brothers Grimm fairy tale.